


A Real Low Moment (To Be Bullied By Confectionary)

by Biscuit Lion (cookiethelion)



Category: British Comedy RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Gen, Mild Language, Minor Violence, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1600715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiethelion/pseuds/Biscuit%20Lion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh had never been the type that could say “stupefy” or “flipendo” without his wand arm shaking, an inability which he suspected was the main reason why he was the only Hufflepuff in his year to fail his Defence Against The Dark Arts O.W.L; and now, he found himself in a job where there was a chance that each gig could end in a duel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Real Low Moment (To Be Bullied By Confectionary)

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by LittleAppleAngel

Nobody could explain why there were so many witches and wizards on the Muggle stand-up circuit. It wasn’t a career path advertised at Hogwarts; none of the pamphlets handed to the Fifth Years outlined which N.E.W.Ts were required to make a room of 150 punters laugh. The one time a Muggle-born tried to explain to their Head of House what being a comedian meant, they were taken seriously for a minute before being dismissed as an ill-advised choice, and was instead given a talk on the Ministry of Magic.

Yet somehow, the current circuit meant that for every Muggle comedian, there were two witches and wizards, the majority of whom were either Muggle-born or half-blood. Maybe it was funnier to talk about Muggle subjects through magical viewpoints; once you knew that Ross Noble was really riffing about dragons behaving like flobberworms, you also knew that the biggest laughs came from anybody within the wizarding community.

Josh had never intended to become another magical comedian. He could have followed Jon’s lead and started in 2003, but at the time, he’d been too satisfied working for the Daily Prophet; and even now, after four years on the circuit, he still had a fear of dealing with magical hecklers. He had never been the type that could say “stupefy” or “flipendo” without his wand arm shaking, an inability which he suspected was the main reason why he was the only Hufflepuff in his year to fail his Defence Against The Dark Arts O.W.L; and now, he found himself in a job where there was a chance that each gig could end in a duel.

One of the main problems was that a group of wizards – largely Pureblood – were opposed to the idea of other Purebloods and some half-bloods, depending on the significance of their family, joining the circuit. They had campaigns lobbied in every wizarding newspaper, warning people not to take up such a career which, in their opinion, was fit only for Muggle-borns and Squibs. Some took it as far as to heckle a gig, whether it was through a duel, shouting hexes and jinxes from the back of the room, or by throwing harmful, magical plants or potions onto the stage. That was the situation Josh found himself in last night; a full-on duel between James and Nick and a wizard heckler, while he remained backstage, wand in hand, paralyzed.

“I’m not sure I can do this,” said Josh to Jon, when he was over at the latter’s flat. They stood facing each other in the living room, wands drawn, and sleeves rolled up. “When I realised what was happening, Helm and Acaster were already duelling. They wanted _me_ to act as obliviator until someone from the Ministry showed up.”

“You don’t need to panic, mate,” said Jon. “The worst I’ve had to deal with was a Fanged Puffskein.” Jon lived in a two-bedroom whitewashed flat that stayed dirt-free and polished through regularly applied cleaning charms. Unlike most wizards’ homes, he had a TV and laptop, and kept all his magical equipment in bags enchanted with the Undetectable Extension Charm. The only hints of magic were the Chocolate Frog cards stuck, in publication order, to one wall in his bedroom; and because some frogs escaped before he could eat them, all the rooms had a permanent smell of milk chocolate that he liked too much to remove.

“I know, but I can’t even get rid of a Boggart, and they’re _harmless_.” Josh pointed over his shoulder, and they both knew he meant the wardrobe on the other side.

The landlady was a Muggle in her late thirties who had rented out the place four times before Jon, but each tenancy lasted no longer than half a year, because everyone suffered from nightmares every night. It turned out that a Boggart hiding in a wardrobe was responsible, and as Josh was the one who found it, it turned into a wizard with his wand drawn and screaming heckles at him. Jon had to come and rescue him, before removing the creature from the flat.

“I’m starting to wish I’d kept that Boggart for you,” said Jon. With a wave of his hawthorn wand, all the furniture was pushed aside against the walls. Underneath the settee, a frog croaked. “You go first.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes.”

“We’re going to destroy the flat.”

“No we’re not. You could use the Blasting Curse to blow up the wall behind you, but it won’t work.”

Josh’s wand remained by his side. Jon rolled his eyes, and pointed his wand at the wall to his right.

“ _Stupefy_ ,” said Jon. His arm was still as the red jet shot out of the tip, and disintegrated into sparks when it touched the wall. “Your move.” Josh raised his dogwood wand, the tip pointed at Jon. It didn’t even matter where he was aiming; with his abilities, the chances of anything hitting his target were impossible.

“ _Tarantallegra_.” Josh felt his wand arm shake, and instead of hitting Jon, the spell struck the ground at his feet, and burst into gold and green sparks.

“How are you able to use magic to stop your plants from overtaking your flat, but you can’t hit me with a spell that isn’t dangerous?”

“Do you know what?” said Josh, smiling. “You’re right. I wouldn’t be as terrified if I was facing a Bouncing Bulb. Do you mind if I transform you into one?”

“Yes, I do.” Even though the tone in Jon’s voice suggested that he knew Josh was joking, he still flinched, his shoulders tensed, and he raised his wand in front of his chest.

“I can turn your arms into the vines of a Venomous Tentacula, if you want to be more deadly.” Josh was still smiling.

“Alright, mate, I get it.” Jon’s shoulders relaxed, but he only lowered his wand to stomach height. The tip was still pointed at Josh’s torso.

A pattering to Josh’s left caught his and Jon’s attention, and they turned to watch a chocolate frog leap out from under the settee, and settle several small hops later. Josh looked at Jon. The latter shrugged, and told him to make another move.

“ _Tarantallegra_.” This time, the spell passed Jon’s leg, and struck the skirting board of the wall behind him.

“Try a different spell.”

Josh frowned. He was so out of practice that he could recite the names of various spells, but not their actual incantation. He only remembered the Dancing Feet Spell because he once used it on a Flitterbloom that sat on the fireplace in the common room, having seen some Seventh Years do the same trick the night before. He thought back to the armchairs nearest to the entrance, where he used to play Wizard’s Chess with Jon, and remembered that a younger student once stumbled in with pimples covering their face and hands.

Now decided on the Pimple Jinx, Josh raised his wand again. The frog croaked; out of the corner of his eye, he swore it was crouching lower than it had been when it emerged.

“ _Furn_ – owwwww–”

The frog jumped, and its thin, solid chin brushed the top of Josh’s cheekbone, before the even harder snout smacked into his lower eyelid. He stumbled, his non-wand hand clutching his blinking, watering eye, and came to a stop when his knees struck the edge of an armchair, and knelt over onto the padding. The frog croaked again, like it was laughing at him.

“Are you – are you – are you OK?” Despite concern in Jon’s voice, his giggles punctuated every other word.

“I think…” Josh stood up again, and removed his hand. He faced Jon, who, while struggling to hold back giggles, reassured him that he didn’t need magical healing.

It was a real low moment to be bullied by confectionary, and because Josh insisted, he spent the rest of the afternoon challenging Jon to two rounds of Wizard’s Chess instead. By six, Josh had to leave, and he Disapparated to the hallway of his flat, outside of his bedroom.

As a Muggle-born, Josh had less of a problem living with Muggle comedians, compared to the handful of Purebloods on the circuit. However, his involvement with magic was still blatant in the plants he kept, and his pet owl, so he chose his housemates with care. The upside of living with Tom was that he knew about the wizarding world. At first, his memory was wiped; Josh had been the first to cast that charm on him. After the fifth time, everyone decided that it was growing too tiresome. The decision to stop was largely on Nat’s part; she was fed up of pretending to drive to her next gig when she could have had more time with Tom, and then Apparate to the venue. After their split, there was some talk on whether he should be obliviated after all, but Josh put an end to those plans. If he hadn’t, he would have been copying Jon’s arrangements and hiding everything in bags.

Another advantage of living with a Muggle was that there was no danger for Josh to Apparate on top of brass shrapnel and puddles of foul smelling potions that had gone wrong; and as Josh wasn’t the type to play with spells whenever he was bored, the most unusual activity that often occurred were funny noises his plants made in his bedroom. As it happened, he could hear thuds coming from his room, and, expecting it to be the work of a Bouncing Bulb, opened the door.

The only furniture in Josh’s bedroom was his bed, a desk and chair, wardrobe, and his owl’s cage. Two bags of Hebridean Black dragon fertiliser disguised as Miracle Grow products were stacked in the corner. Potted Wormwood, Asphodel, Dried Nettles, Fluxweeds, and Fanged Gernaiums overran his windowsill. Plants that needed more space sat in bigger pots on the ground, including a Snargaluff stump. On the desk, flowerless Puffapods were piled in a felt-lined tub. Hanging baskets magically stuck to the ceiling contained more plants useful for potioneers, although one held a Flitterbloom which enjoyed slipping its tentacles in Josh’s curls whenever he walked under it.

One of the baskets was reserved for Bouncing Bulbs, which, like most plants in his room, he only grew on request in exchange for a price that was slightly cheaper than the general market; it was the main advantage of being a herbologist in a job that attracted a lot of potioneers. His suspicion was correct; the foot-sized bulb had broken free of its restraints, and was leaping between the floor and wall. It stopped when the door opened, and Josh had whipped out his wand before the plant smacked him in the chest, forcing them both out of his room. He landed on his back, and the bulb kept jumping on his torso.

“ _Flipendo_.” His wand arm was still as the jinx struck the bulb mid-jump, and it flew over his head and smacked into Tom’s bedroom door. Josh threw his weight onto the plant, and managed to keep it under grips in his hands. It kept thrashing in his hands, but Josh succeeded in placing it back in its basket, and restrained it with more charms than before.

Seeing the bulb attempt to wrestle out of the basket made him think back to last night’s events. Considering that he had spent most of his Fifth Year in a bedsit in the Shetland Islands with other Muggle-born students during the Second Wizarding War, and that he’d fought off a Death Eater at one point, before being transferred to Machynlleth, he thought he would at least be able to handle seeing other wizards duel. It turned out that he flinched at the sight, and wished he had some Devil’s Snare on hand, or could cast an Invisibility Charm that didn’t expose his legs.

It would have also helped if he wasn’t sharing a double bill with a Muggle that night; likewise, it would have also helped if the Edinburgh Fringe Festival wasn’t two months away, and regular preview gigs were now required. When the audience started coming into the venue, he refused to move away from the curtain. He stared at each person, watching them from the moment they stepped in until they found a seat. In the crowd of twenty-odd, nobody seemed to be struggling with Muggle clothing; and the one time it looked like a woman was about to pull out a wand, it turned out her phone was buried deep in her handbag.

Josh would have been less nervous if he was on second. At first, his shoulders were hunched, his back straighter, and his arms never by his side. He started relaxing ten minutes in, and was never more relieved to have delivered an hour without pulling his wand out of his sleeve once.

It turned out the only surprise was when Josh Apparated home. He heard a soft crunch underneath his feet, and wondered since when they had laid a carpet in the living room, or when Tom had purchased a stress ball – until he realised he was facing his Bouncing Bulb, which was hopping over a forest of bloomed Puffapods. Josh pulled his wand out, but his Knockback Jinx missed, and the bulb pushed him out of the room, down the also covered hallway, and into the kitchen – the only unaffected room, it seemed – where an exasperated Tom was waiting for him.

“I promise, it’s – nearly ready – for sale–” Josh had to say as he thrashed with the bulb on the floor. Tom looked on, smirking. “Just give me – two more – days – argh–” The plant shot out of his hands, but bounced back and head-butted him after smacking his housemate’s shins.

The only way Josh managed to restrain the plant was when Tom had to also lie down on top of it. As he placed it back in its basket, and cast even more restraining charms than before, he was definitely, never going to grow another Bouncing Bulb again.

***

“I told you to stop worrying,” said Jon the next morning, when Josh had finished talking about the gig.

Jon had to reassure Josh he hadn’t opened another pack of Chocolate Frog since yesterday, and even though the chocolate smell persisted, there really were no croaks or odd movements. The only animal in the flat now was a tawny owl with a thick, messy tuft of dark brown feathers underneath its chin, akin to a beard. It was perched on an armrest next to a table with an opened box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans on top.

“It was only yesterday,” said Josh, as he looked into the box. “I’m happier now that I’m sharing a bill with Joe.” He pulled out a light green bean, and let it roll into his palm first before offering it to the owl. He was certain he’d seen it somewhere before, but not as one of his friends’ pets.

Jon frowned. “You do remember he’s a Pureblood?”

“Yes.” Josh felt a peck, and the bean was gone. “I’ve seen him duel before. He’s brilliant.” He started to stroke the owl on the head. It hooted contentedly, and wriggled its head and wings to take in more of Josh’s touch.

“Erm, Josh?” Jon looked mildly concerned, but was also grinning. “That’s Joe you’re stroking.”

Josh jumped away, his hand still outstretched. The owl blinked twice, and then changed shape, so it was now Joe sitting on the armrest.

“Did you have to tell him?” said Joe. “I was enjoying that.”

“The only owl I’m petting from now on is my own,” said Josh. He wiped his hand on the side of his jeans.

“I’m clean, mate. I’ve only flown from my place to here today.”

“What’re you doing here anyway?” Josh turned to Jon. “You never mentioned he was coming round.”

“He surprised me as well,” said Jon.

“I had this to drop off,” said Joe, indicating the beans. “I saw Jimmy yesterday, and he asked me to pass it on. I was going to go, but then Jon mentioned you were coming over, and I wanted to check how the Bouncing Bulb was coming along.”

Josh started as red sparks flew out of his sleeve. It was similar to receiving multiple static electric shocks at once, and he shook his hidden wand out, so the rest of the sparks could fall to the ground. Jon was already backing away, and even Joe slipped off the armrest and onto the sofa, where he sat with his legs tucked in his chest as Josh ranted about the Bouncing Bulb. He pulled back his sleeves to expose all the scrapes from last night’s tussle, and parted his hair to show where he had been head-butted. By the end, Jon was offering him a shot glass full of Calming Draught, which Josh refused.

“Sorry,” said Joe, still tucked in a ball. “How much longer until…?”

“Tomorrow. I want to charge you thirty sickles for that bloody thing,” said Josh. His wand had stopped sparking, but he was still breathing deeply.

“I’ve got some good news for you.”

“It better be.” Josh folded his arms.

“You know you’ve been asking around for some Dittany plants? Diane reckons she can get you some seeds.”

Josh frowned. “Just the seeds?”

“Yeah. She tried to get you a plant, but apparently a lot of wizards are refusing to grow them now, so the seeds are way cheaper and easier to find.”

“Tom’s going to hate that.” Josh had grown Dittany four times before, and even though the plant itself was easy to manage, he found that the best, most potent results came from growing it in Ukrainian Ironbelly dragon fertiliser. A bag only costed him two galleons more, but the main issue was the smell. Last time, the initial burst had stank the flat so much that Tom had to move to Jon’s place for four nights, before the smell faded enough for him to come back.

“Diane can get you the seeds for fifteen sickles. If you want it already grown, it’s going to cost ten galleons and three sickles.”

“Alright, I’ll send her an owl later.”

“Am I … erm…?”

“Forgiven?” said Josh. Joe nodded. Josh just sighed, and reached in the box. He pulled out a light brown bean, with a red speckled pattern.

“I wouldn't eat that one, mate,” said Jon.

"Why?" said Josh, and he tipped the bean in his mouth. At first, it tasted of nothing – and then a mild milky taste mixed with water and something very bitter, but what exactly he couldn’t quite pinpoint. He spat the bean out onto the floor, and gagged. He didn’t care that Jon was looking disapprovingly at him; he pointed his wand at his mouth, and, because the taste was overwhelming him, instead had to non-verbally conjure the aguamenti charm.

“For fuck’s sake,” said Jon as he waved his wand. The remains of the bean disappeared, but he still looked at Josh, as if to warn him to not spit out the water. Instead, Josh swallowed after thoroughly rinsing his mouth.

“What was that?” said Joe.

“I think … urgh … vomit,” said Josh. Joe picked up the box, and tilted the mouth at Josh’s direction. Josh refused.

“You might get a good one next.”

Josh still wouldn’t take another and, seeing as Jon still wasn’t pleased with him, decided to Disapparate soon after. He arrived in his flat, and went to check on the Bouncing Bulb which, to his relief, had stayed restrained in the basket. He was tempted to sell it now, but seeing as his charms were working, he also doubted it would be able to cause much more havoc, and so left it to grow in his bedroom for one more day.

Josh saw Joe again that night at their gig, in a small, dimly lit, autumnal-coloured room above a pub, which overlooked the car park round the back. There wasn’t a proper stage; instead, the length was marked by where the microphone stand stood, and the width by the screens on either side.

“This is going to be sweet,” said Joe, when they were backstage and peering through a gap in the screen.

“Is it?” said Josh. He could feel his wand up his right sleeve. The turnout was the same number as last night, but this time, he wasn’t so sure whether they were all Muggles. A man near the back kept scratching his thighs, and pulling his jeans up, then yanking the hem of his shirt down.

Joe patted him on the shoulder. “I’m happy to go on first, mate.”

When Joe walked on stage ten minutes later, Josh remained backstage with his hands clasped together. He peered through the gap every now and then; and even though nothing odd seemed to be happening, he gradually slid his wand further down his arm, until his hand couldn’t disguise the whole handle.

Then, when Josh was leaning on the wall, and watching Joe from the side, he saw a flash of purple strike the stage. At first, he thought it had hit Joe; and then he heard the familiar rhythm of thuds that could only have belonged to a Bouncing Bulb. The plant was hoping on the spot, and appeared to be waist-high to Joe. Josh reckoned it was about eight to ten months old.

“Uhm, Josh?” said Joe. His pine wand was now in his hand, and it was the first time Josh had seen it glisten and shine under stage lights. The microphone had been returned to the stand. “What do I do?”

“Try the Knockback Jinx,” said Josh. He felt sweat running down the back of his neck. “If it doesn’t work, set it on fire.”

“ _Flipendo_.” The spell hit the bulb, and knocked it back a tiny distance, but it remained upright and bouncing.

Josh frowned; why wasn’t the bulb attacking back? In fact, why hadn’t it started attacking Joe the moment it landed on stage? He pulled his wand out of his sleeve completely.

“ _Inc_ –” said Joe.

“Wait,” said Josh. Joe turned round to look at him. “Something’s not right.”

Joe glanced at the audience, and then back at Josh. “You know how to deal with this?”

“I should, but–”

“Get rid of it. Keep everyone in the room. Start obliviating them if you can.” Joe didn’t want for a response before he transfigured into his owl. He took off, and flew out of an open window.

Josh walked on stage. So far, it seemed that nobody had moved out of their seats; in fact, the only response he saw was either puzzled or stunned looks. He pointed his wand at the only exit, and said, “ _Colloportus_.” He knew it worked when he heard a squelch.

“Sorry,” said Josh. Even though his wand arm had remained steady, he didn’t like the idea of forcing so many people to remain in the same room, uncertain how to deal with all the magic they had just seen. He turned back to the Bouncing Bulb, and raised both arms at it, just in case it decided to turn on him. “ _Aparecium_.”

He had no trouble casting the spell, and, as he had already anticipated would happen, the colour of the plant’s exterior faded. Instead of seeing magenta-striped, lilac flesh, the whole bulb was filled with undiluted Bubotuber Pus. This discovery caught Josh out; he’d been joking when he said he would transform Jon into a Bouncing Bulb with a dangerous edge, it didn’t mean he wanted to face one. He glared at the audience, and then remembered that he was the only wizard in the room.

“Nobody touch that,” he said, the microphone now in his hand. “Someone … somebody’s going to … appear and … explain what’s happening soon.”

He slipped the microphone back in the stand, and held his wand flat in his palm. With Joe in mind, he said in a low voice, “ _Point me_.” His wand spun several rotations, and when it stopped, the tip was aimed at the open window Joe had exited through. Josh ran round the audience, and glanced outside; in the car park below, green and red lights flew all over the place.

Josh Disapparated, but the desperation of the situation meant that he stumbled onto his knees when he appeared in the gravel car park. He stuck his hands out in front to stop himself from falling flat on his face. Joe cried at him to duck; moments later, a jet sailed over his head.

When it was safe, Josh jumped up and dashed out of the way. He recognised the other duellist – he was the person who had been scratching his jeans earlier. He pointed his wand at the other wizard, and was about to scream the Stunning Spell when he felt his arm begin to shake again. He held it up with his other hand, and tensed his muscles.

“ _Stupefy_ ,” he said. Despite his efforts, his arm still shook, and the jet shot in a sloped direction. At first, it seemed that his spell was going to hit the ground – but then, Joe stumbled in its way, and as Josh’s spell hit Joe on the hip, seconds later, the duellist’s own Stunning Spell struck Joe’s chest.

“Fuck – _FUCK_ – JOE–” Josh dashed forward, but Joe had already collapsed to the floor, at first squirming a little, and then remained still.

“ _Stupefy_.”

Josh jumped out of the way in time, but slipped and landed on his back. He could feel the scrapes in his elbows, knees, and palms from where he had hit the ground. He tried to raise his wand at the wizard, but his arm wouldn’t stay still long enough, and he had to roll over to miss another Stunning Spell.

He got up, and wanted to revive Joe, but had only taken a few steps towards him when a spell landed in between them, and blew up some of the gravel. Josh only just managed to protect himself with a Shield Charm, and flinched every time a shard struck the shield. As he cowered under one arm, his hands felt clammy and ready to drop his wand.

His shield held up long enough to defect two more Stunning Spells, but the third shattered it. Josh retreated, but his legs seemed capable of taking only small steps. He glanced down at the ground, ready to surrender – and then spotted some weeds and moss growing in between the stones. He looked back at Joe, and tightened his grip on his wand.

“ _Herbivicus_.” Josh swung his wand arm at the weed nearest to the other wizard, and, to his relief, it began to grow in size, until it was twice as tall as his opponent. Then, with his fingers crossed by his side, Josh said, “ _Mobilicorpus_.”

He was even more relieved when the plant dived at the stunned wizard, and wrapped its head around his neck. A flash of white severed the weed from its roots, but by then, Josh had no problem in pointing his wand at the wizard, and said, “ _Incarcerous_.” The wizard let out a muffled shriek as he toppled over on the ground, now bound and gagged by ropes. Josh walked over, and with one last Stunning Spell, knocked out his opponent.

He remained over the body for a while, just breathing, still stunned from what he had done. He had won, all on his own, without Joe’s help–

“Shit – Joe–” Josh ran over to his friend, and dropped to his knees. He placed his wand above Joe’s moving chest. “ _Rennervate_.” There was a flash, and for a moment, it looked as if Joe had been hit by too many Stunning Spells to be revived; then, he uttered a low groan, and clasped a hand to his chest.

Josh sighed. Before he could say anything, he heard a shout from above, and looked up to see a witch in Ministry of Magic robes, looking at him but pointing her wand at the tied-up wizard.

“He attacked us,” said Josh. She nodded, and walked away from the window.

“Josh?” said Joe. He tried to sit up, but groaned and winced, and Josh forced him to stay down.

“It’s over,” said Josh. “I’ve defeated him.” He could have stayed there, and waited for the witch to come back; but he was uncertain how long it would take for her to clear up the fake Bouncing Bulb, and obliviate the audience’s memory, and he felt his eyes sting whenever he watched Joe struggling to deal with the pain in his chest. He summoned Joe’s wand into his hand, and grabbed his arm; and together, they Disapparated from the scene.

The first person Josh thought of was Jon, and as they Apparated into his living room, he was relieved to see that the light was still on. He staggered to his feet, just as Jon darted in, his wand raised in front of him. Josh still jumped, and almost dropped the two wands he was holding.

“What’re you doing here?” said Jon, wide-eyed and surprised. He lowered his wand, and, catching sight of Joe, demanded to know what had happened.

Josh told him, but when he tried to explain he didn’t mean to hit Joe with a Stunning Spell, he found himself panicking, sweating, and stumbling over his words as he started inhaling deeper, more rapid breaths. Jon had to run out of the room, and came back with a bottle of clear liquid, and a shot glass of Calming Drought, which he forced Josh into taking.

“Better?” said Jon, when he watched Josh’s body relax, and his breathing return to normal. Josh nodded, and continued recalling events as Jon magically cleaned the shot glass, poured some of the liquid into it, and gave it to Joe. By the end, Joe was sitting up, no longer groaning or clutching his chest.

“Thanks mate,” said Joe, as Josh handed him his wand back.

“I told you, you didn’t need to worry,” said Jon.

Josh wanted to argue back that he would have been fucked if there hadn’t been any weeds, or if any of his spells hadn’t worked on the plant. Then he recalled how calm he’d been, and how he hadn’t even started shaking until he was kneeling next to Joe. Instead, he concurred with Jon.

“Have you got anything to eat?” said Joe.

“ _Accio Chocolate Frogs_ ,” said Jon, with his wand pointed over his shoulder. Moments later, three shaking packets whizzed through the door, and landed on the floor in front of Jon. He passed one to Joe, and then to Josh. “Don’t worry, that one shouldn’t try to take your eye out.”

Josh laughed. To be on the safe side, he dug his fingers into the wrapper, and shattered the frog to pieces first.


End file.
